Kwentong Meditation

This is my first try in the meditation business and I just found out how cluttered my mind is. No wonder I’m crazy most of the time. Not the bad crazy though. The good crazy.

Medyo tanghali na akong nagising kasi may gyera pa akong ipinaglaban: Babangon ba ako? Or matutulog at gagawa ng excuse kung bakit ako magha-half day? Anong excuse? Masakit ang ngipin? Hindi pwede, meron bang masakit na ngipin na nawala in half a day? E di sabihin mo masakit pa rin pagdating mo, magaling ka naman umakting diba? Wag mo na lang kaya pansinin? Kiber ka lang pagdating mo! You don’t need to explain yourself to them, they’re not the boss of you. Shet, ang yabang mo bitch. E kung buong araw ka kaya wag pumasok? Pano na yung tambak ng trabaho ko? Masarap matulog… E yung trabaho mo nga! Hala ka, dadating na yung boss mo sa weekend wala ka man lang maipe-present. Tamad mo. Bangon na! E anlambot ng unan. Masarap magkulong sa kumot. Hmmm. Ang lamig. Sarap pa matulog. Five minutes please…

Lahat ng yan at marami pang iba nai-debate ko sa sarili ko sa loob ng 10 minutes.

Kahit tanghali na ako nagising, hindi ako nagmadali kasi ayokong ma-stress. Late na rin naman, might as well take my time. Wala namang mababago kung magmamadali ako, baka makarating ako ng mas maaga ng 5 minutes tapos marami pa akong masisirang mga bagay sa paligid ko kasi clumsy na ako pag nagmamadali. Aanga-anga sa tagalog.

Naalala ko yung enthusiasm ko for meditation the night before. So I took a shower, tapos nagmeditate. Nag-try mag-meditate. Nag-try for the first time mag-meditate. Sabi kahit mga 10 minutes or more maganda. Ilang minutes na ba? Focus on your heartbeat daw. Focus. Focus. Heartbeat? Patay na ba ako? Nasan na ang heartbeat ko? Bat hindi ko marinig? Hmmm. Focus more.

*thump*thump*

*thump*thump*

Yan na ba ang heartbeat ko? Wait, parang imaginary heartbeat lang yan ah? Tunog na gawa ng imagination ko kasi I really wanted to hear and focus on my heartbeat. Uy, heart beat nasan ka na? Am I dead? Or immortal? Vampire?

Uy, concentrate! Diba mage-’empty my mind’ tayo? Ok, game. Focus on a dot.

Dot… Dot… Dotrrr. Darkness? Where the hell is the freaking dot?! Oh yes, I need to imagine a dot. But I can’t imagine a dot! Let’s imagine other things that remind me of commitment. A rubber band on my right wrist. Yes, there it is! So much easier than a freakin’ dot.

*Huff*Huff*

*Inhale*

*Exhale*

Much better. Ayusin natin ang utak mo akda. Andami mong iniisip. What is that song? Kumakanta ang utak ko mag-isa? Andami kong deadline. Buti hindi naiinis si Sir **** kasi antagal kong mapasa yung hinihingi nya. Late na ba ako? 10 minutes na ba? Pano yung travel mo next year? Tototohanin mo ba yan? Yung itinerary ng Cebu trip nyo hindi mo pa natatapos.

What the hell? Clear your mind nga e.

*Breathe in*

*Breathe out*

Why is my breathing so wheezy? Maybe because you’ve smoked and smoked and smoked. I should stop smoking. It’s messing up my golden voice and hinihika ka na akda. Stop the cigars!!!

*Deep breaths*

*Many more deep breaths*

I’m late. I gotta go now.

This is what’s going on inside my head. Fudgeful.

So much for clearing my mind. It’s full of f*ck! I need to practice more.

I like that it was stressful and relaxing at the same time. Gotta start the “journaling” thing too.

I’ll leave you this song because “we won’t realize what we have ’til we lose ‘em”. This band is underrated.

Challenge? Again?

Okay, I failed at my OPM Challenge 2012. I’m a human being, my eyes daze when people talk to me, I have short attention span and mostly I AM LAZY. Not a trait that I should be proud of and I am not.

I enjoyed my walk with OPM last year, I haven’t been very good at the posting stuff but I almost soaked myself in the awesomeness the Pinoy music scene has to offer.

I forgot what month I left off and what album I was listening to, I think I posted some of them in my other blogs when I was in the confusion stage. I just stopped. So I’m here to rediscover music. I made a new tumblr blog specifically for this one. [Click the image to view tumblr page]

I’m not limiting the monthly challenge to OPM anymore, I think I should do that but I so badly want to buy Jónsi’s album Go. I think this is not nearly as concrete as it should be. I’ll think more of this on the way home. I’m back on the music challenge! Yay! I haz my not-so-new iPod shuffle with me which I love (my new year gift to myself). iPods should be like this, all about music. Not the iPod touch which I think should be called iPad mini mini. Because it’s just a smaller version of iPad mini. It’s not really for music anymore. I like the iPod classic as well but it’s too expensive for me and I always change songs on my iPod so it’s just the right one for me. And it clips on. Anywhere you need it to be. Amazing ayt?

It’s red. I love it.

Hmmm. I’ll boost this tomorrow. Finalize shit and stuff, and forgive coffee-crazy akda. I think I’ll start the challenge with Never The Strangers’ self-titled album. A gift from my brother for my birthday last October.

Goodnight WP world

P.S.

Sh*t I just deleted all of the music in my iPod. On purpose. Because I was so lazy picking out songs that should remain and it would be unfair to other songs because I like them too. So I just deleted all. F*ck I’m stupid.

P.P.S

I cheated, I retained the following:

Shane Harper’s Rocketship (I’m currently infatuated with this sexy human being)

Jónsi’s Go Do (I just posted the music video for this song on two of my tumblr blogs and here in WP so it’s apparent that I’m pretty obsessed with this song. Take this away and I’m gonna start scratching your eyes out. I also think that I had this mini-success earlier when I had my co-worker listen to this song and she looked like she really enjoyed it. Win!)

Noah And The Whale’s Five Years Time (It’s another story-telling type of song in my head, I think I’ll put this next to Go Do in the obsessive songs playlist)

The Paper Kite’s Featherstone (I can’t get the “wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart… and my heart is yours, but your heart’s not mine” out of my head)

This is what’s going on inside my head. Fudgeful.

As you can see there’s a lot of things inside my head. All playing simultaneously. I hope you now understand why I’m a little bit crazy at times and too crazy most of the time.

Goodnight, for realz.

Disclaimer on the image (My Brain Is Full Of Fuck): I think I found this at 9gag.com if I’m not mistaken. If this is yours please contact me (email at the sidebar) and I’ll do the appropriate action asap.

Magic In Music

Jónsi – Go Do
“We should always know that we can do anything”

Have you ever heard a song as magical as this one? It is a story in itself, and it’s making my head spin with happiness. And oh how my heart dances to this song. I have no idea what the lyrics are, but the sound is just so whimsical for me to miss. Especially the drums (banging of the luggage in the video).

Thank you Universe for this amazing music. And Jonsi.

I Thank The Heavens For Friends That Can Make You Cry And (Almost) Pee Your Pants At The Same Time

You know how I never get tired of telling people how we first spent lunch time together? Yeah, I’m not telling you about that time because I’m afraid you might punch me in the face for repeating myself over and over again. It was just one of my few right decisions. Talking to you.

I’ll tell you about the time I discovered the beauty of poetry because of you. I remembered bugging you to make me a poem when we were in the Med Auditorium for who knows what. Sorry I lost that piece of paper, but I remember it went something like this…

Strangers staring at the dark blue sky

Fading… Faltering

In the shadows of pit falls

That’s as good as my memory got. And so I found the beauty of poetry, because you were into it and I was so curious why… You taught me not to be afraid of non-conformity. That different is amazing.

I was thinking of sending you a postal mail and I won’t deny the horrible fact that I forgot to write and send one. I’m sorry. No excuses. I was so afraid to admit that I love snail mails because that sounded weird when I was in high school. Good thing you had the same fondness with written letters as I do. More if I may say.

I read books like there was no tomorrow. I was reading books before but you taught me that immersing myself in stories that I never thought possible is one of the greatest power of our imagination. (At this point I’m thinking that I wouldn’t be half the akda that I am today if not for you). And that it is okay to buy books. And read lots of them. My book hoarding sickness was triggered when you told me that “sky is the limit” when you buy books according to your dad. It was all so foreign to me because I never bought books. It was either someone gave it to me or I forgot to return it to the school library (ehem, cyclops short story that I sneaked out of my elementary school library, THIEF!). My parents are not the biggest fan of books and I’m thinking that I would’ve lost my passion for reading if not for you.

I never knew that people watching can be so much fun. And that there are a lot of crazy people out there like me. That no second is boring when you are with friends that can make you cry and (almost) pee your pants at the same time.

Happy birthday to one of my wonderful friends.

I hope you enjoy another year and many more.

May the supreme being bless the world with more people like you. So others can enjoy what I have too.

And if all these fail to make you smile… I suggest this post:

I’m Bringin’ Sexy Back, Yeah!

That song is cliché.

Hello Philippines and hello world! [also a cliché]

♪♫♬ ♩ Balang araw magugulat ka… Magugulat kaaaa…

Ako’y babalik aking mahal, sana’y di mainip… sanaaaAAAA! ♪♫♬ ♩  [Callalily - Ako'y Babalik]

Akalain mong naka-five years na ang aming relasyon ni wordpress?!

Salamat doon po sa amin (should I call you Ate San?) for keeping posted. Yes, I’m reviving this blog again, hihi Here’s the story of how I almost cried getting this blog back…

[Flashback!]

Drama mode. Pls refer to Kwentong I’d Like To Do This Someday. I did mention that I’ve grown out of my love for this blog. Feeling ko ang babaw. Feeling ko it’s not me anymore. So I said GOODBYE. One stupid mistake that will lead to many more, but I didn’t know it at that time.

I left. Inabandona ko ang aking email address connected with this blog and user account. Speaking of email addresses, andami ko palang kalat sa world wide web. Sampu siguro ang registered email addresses ko. 20 na blogs. WTF?!

Alam mo yung blog-hopping? Eto ba yon? I hopped from one blog to another in the hope of finding my ‘spark’. And recently I created wtfakda. I hadn’t written anything for so long a time and it felt stupid. Then I looked at my hmoepage. There it was, staring at me right in the face… WTFakda?! Parang sinisigawan nya akong “HUY, ANYARE?!” Anong ginagawa mo dito? Nagmadali akong bisitahin ang kwentuhan ko. I was laughing and crying in alternate and controlled manner (that is, in my mind because I was at the office and I don’t want people thinking that I’ve lost it). Tapos nakita ko kung bakit ako bumalik. Nakita ko kung anong meron sa kwentuhan.

ALAALA.

KALAYAAN.

Mga alaala ng aking kalayaan. I am a lost soul but here I have my own voice. Resoundingly beautiful. Same reason I never deleted Likhang-Isip even though I stopped writing literary pieces ages ago. These are memories. Footsteps and graffiti of where I’ve been, shouting “AKDA WAS HERE”

I felt overwhelmed and emotional while reading how stupid I was and how my life probably sucked big time. Yon na ang panahon na nag-log out ako. At panahon para subukang mag-log in muli…

No worries. Everything is under fuckin’ control. Calm down. It’s just a minor bump. You just forgot every log in detail for kwentuhan. Dang it. YOU JUST FORGOT EVERY FUCKIN’ DETAIL OF YOUR ACCOUNT?!?! What the hell is the matter with you?

**Breathe in**

**Breathe out**

I was about to give up and contact support but I’m not sure I’d be able to prove my ownership of this blog because I was too damn busy being stupid and forgetting details. I’ve forgotten draft titles, damn it! I tried again and hoped that the sun will wipe away the tears forming in the corner of my eye as a result of a mixture of anger, frustration, self-destructive forces, and sleepiness.

**Insert 3 days and 2 nights (naks, parang weekend getaway lang!) of struggling and almost crying  trial and error**

Matapos kong mapagod sa pag-log in sa uber dami kong email accounts (yes, unstable right there). I finally logged in to the email address associated with my goakda [again, thank you to doon po sa amin for pursuing to visit my second attempt at blogging]. Then gmail notification popped up saying, “in case you forget your password, you dumbo, we will email your log in details to *****@imanemail.com”. Right then and there, it clicked. That was the email address I was looking for. Ninja-speed Ctrl + Shift + N and tried it out.

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT *&@$%!#@% WORKED!!!

In my mind I was going like this…

I’m not sure if this a good thing or a bad thing. I’m not sure I care either. My senses are telling me I should do this because this makes me feel happy.

Good night WordPress fellas! See ya ’round!

~akda

Wala sa ayos to, I know. I’ll be there when the right time comes.

Kwentong I’d Like To Do This Someday

There’s something wrong with my blog and I can feel it. There’s no connection between the blog and the blogger anymore. Idk why I’m such an emoterang frog these past few days. But let’s skip this part.

I’d like to share some of the things I’d love to do someday, as the title says.

1. Run a coffeeshop/teashop/bookshop, which would also be an open library, in Nueva Ecija. I love it there. I already have a picture in my mind of what it would look like, etc, etc… I just don’t know where and how to start. Plus the financing problem. Oh well. It’s good to dream right. And that’s what I would want to be doing for the rest of my life.

2. Do this in a grocery. You know, try to push people and see if they dance with me. Record it and show it to my kids in the future and say, “You think you know better than me? Well you don’t. Try dancing in the grocery if you want to be better than me.” Just kidding. This is a really fun video. I’d definitely try this some day. Thank you Sara Bareilles for giving me an idea for something fun to do.

3. Make a music video which is as creative as this…

Or this..

These are the videos that makes me think, “Hey that’s so cool, why didn’t I think of doing that?”, or “Totally awesome! How do they do it?!”, or something like, “I’m still glad to live on this earth after all!”.

Goodnight. I’m feeling a little bit drowsy but I still want to play Tetris Battle on Facebook, and I won’t stop until I’m the top ranked, hayayay!

I’m moving to another blog. Very soon.

See ya.

To Kwentuhan. And to anyone who’s reading this…

I love you, and I’m thankful for you.  :)